perfect standstill

Monday, July 04, 2005

midnight
lock all the doors
and turn out the lights
feels like the end of the world
this Sunday night

there's not a sound
outside the snow's coming down
and somehow I can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind

3:02
the space in this room
has turned on me
and all my fears have cornered me here
me and my TV screen

the volume's down
blue lights are dancing around
and still, I can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind

daylight is climbing the walls
cars start and feet walk the halls
the world awakes and now I am safe
at least by the light of day

john mayer - quiet

on the contrary to how i felt yesterday
my mood's quite a goner now
there're just so many things
that i don't understand
that ive no clue
that i really wanna clear my doubts about

yet i don't wanna live each day
guessing, hesitating, contemplating
and end up regretting having wasted my time
on things as frivolous as such

life is short
thats one big reason why i do some of the things
i always do, but get yacked for
though i must say life for me has never been any close to exciting

but i enjoy things i'm sure of
like i have control over?
in other words,
i'm boring

in fact i was thinking today
bout how i've changed
to quite a different person
and like wad sorta person i still am
it then dawned on me
that its time i start doing some things
on my own accord,
for my own good

i hear myself say that very often though
and yes, almost everyone
ok, how bout EVERYONE thinks i cant too?
perhaps i just need someone to believe in me
i guess i REALLY do

cuz noone has for 94758492971 yrs
and that sucks
to feel so belittled
by people around you
disregarding whether they matter or not

and for tonight
i'm shrinkin into my inferior shell
just for tonight geor
it has to go
period

sigh

pardon me for my incessant rantings
it just had to be lifted off my chest

take me over when i'm gone
take me over make me strong
i need someone around
to tell me where i belong
and yes dont even doubt it
its you i'm talkin about

sense i know i hardly make
but nights like these i can barely take
strewn on a bed of roses
forced to sleep in a dozen poses
feelin the moist in my eyes i haven felt for ages

yet, its only on nights as such
that i get to myself as much
so i'll apologise once through
cuz i dont mean to scare you

i just needed someone to save me from a night as cruel

random ramblings?

xoxo
4:23 PM