Sunday, October 30, 2005

Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up
nowI wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
And deep as the sea

But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom,
Where no one lives

Remember when we first met
And everything was still a bet
In love's game
You would call; I'd call you back
And then I'd leave a message
On your answering machine

But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom,
Where no one lives

Freedom run away tonight
Freedom, freedon
Run away run away tonight

We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without A fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights up my night

But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish that I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives

Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom freedom
Run awayRun away tonight

We got too much time to kill
Like pigeons on my windowsill
We hang around

Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I've falling down

But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now I wish I could follow you
To the shores of freedom
Where no one lives

joseph arthur - honey and the moon

i feel bad
for not meeting up with people i should be
sigh

geor is too broke la
to even feel like steppin out
cuz it only means spendin money
since when have i become sucha stingy ass?

not feeling very good today
oh well

xoxo
7:26 PM

Friday, October 28, 2005

i dont understand you and i think i'm giving up trying
isnt that all great then?

ill be happy to have things the way they were a week ago

and i'm shit hungry
die, no food and no dinner
gastric rocks balls

xoxo
5:51 PM

hola! yet another sleepless night.
had training today and i swear i felt like i was back in sch
secondary sch if u must know
boring but since we're paid for it, it sldnt hurt too much la
hahaha

and i bet noone will ever be able to guess where i'm posted to
TEKKA MALL
how nice really. ive never really appreciated wet markets
and its so ulu-mama i'm so gonna cry
talk about crying, ALL my songs are gone
i'm really upset bout it la ok
GRRRR

back to talk bout work, thank goodness tekka mall's kiosk is only for a month
so after a month, ill be sent to random kiosks around
hopefully not mustafa, ill prolly hang myself if i get it
wait, but they have nice pratas and thosais i wanna try
hmmmmm. heh

apparently starhaub is catering to like these foreigners
who uses prepaid cards so that explains for all the weird addresses
i hope itll be fun, the new job and all
=/

i'm sorry for calling u closet jed really. hahahahaha
ive never meant it. dont blame me if u ever change lanes. hahahahaha
and ive this song stuck in my head now
all thanks to dj SAPH hahahahaha
since she wants the credits right?

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore


sigh i'm damn damn sad la
sorry, still in mourning mode
all my songs
ok, off to cry
RAH


wow, 4 more days?
oh well

xoxo
5:23 PM

Monday, October 24, 2005

its weird how things run in circles
and the way u look at your brand new, few yrs old pair of shoe
seemingly new, yet old to the mind

so neither nor, either or
not here, but aint there too
smacked in between

its like insomnia in your dreams
no longer equipped with the ability to set things apart,
for awhile at least


hmmm
oh well, on a lighter note
i had a haircut today! uhh, again i mean.
hahahaha. in the comfort of my own house
which explains for a considerably huge patch of a hole on my head
thank goodness its not a deadly kinda patch, if not?!
foo yo. i'll be a nun or just imprison myself at home man
-_- these are the consequences of being stingy and cutting your own hair

but quite fun la
haven done so for really long
haha, i just need practise la please
heh, anyone willin to let me experiment?
guinea pigs? =))

if anyone reads hard enough,
den you'll be able to tell i'm trying to make my entry sound more..
hmmm, less down?
cuz my sis complained and i'm trying to prove her wrong la
she claimed in every 10 of my entries, 8 are depressing
so ya, i guess my efforts are noticeable
hahaha. stupid i know
but it isnt very nice to sound blahblah all the time
its contagious i realised so, i'm tryin to be a considerate blogger
for now at least heh

i cant sleep, help
maybe i sld start lookin for 24 hrs helpline
cure me of my sleeping probs as and when

2 more days to work!
how exciting......

yeah right.

xoxo
6:04 PM

Sunday, October 23, 2005

had a day full of sleep and something else
another day wasted
dammit haha

wah, big winner last night playing mahjong
its been damn long please
20 bucks in like 3 plus hrs?
hahaha playing ten cents twenty cents only ok
seriously, lady luck shining so damn friggin brightly
=))

well, thats kinda making me crave for more mahjong -_-
bad i know but ive only got less than a week left before work!
so needless to say, its only wise to make full use of it
hahaha

and i finished the whole 'prince turn into frog' show already
chiong evrything this morning from 4am to 9am
then 9 pm to 2 am
sleepin break in between
and i'm feelin lazy to leave the house
die, supp to meet Mr Closet tmr somemore
hahahaha thank goodness he doesnt read this

draining day i swear
oh well
back to my lifeless nights
and super 'happening' days

nights all human


Smoke curls through my hands
These one night stands
Are making me crazy I know
Morning I'll go
Crowds in the rain all passing by

Faith gone from your eyes
Each word it flies
Taking you further away
And come that day
There ain't no easy way to cry

And as I watch you leave I stand
Inside my house of straw
And everywhere I go I find
Things recollecting to my mind
How right it all could be

Faith gone from your eyes
Each word it flies
Straight to the heart and I know
Watching you go
There ain't no easy way to cry

So right now
So right now
So right now

And as I watch you leave I stand
Inside my house of straw
And everywhere I go I find
Things recollecting to my mind
How right it all could be

Could be

easy way to cry - david gray


i know no words to share it with anyone,
the boundaries of language i silently curse

xoxo
6:13 PM

Thursday, October 20, 2005

bittersweet day we have here
neither constructive nor productive
are they supp to mean the same anyway?
haha. but bottomline, i was uhh.. happy?


there're many things pointless to say and needless to do
but somehow, they just happen to be those better left unsaid kinda thing
so in a way, its good. right?
hmmmm


nvm, geor is nonsense today
=))


i swear this is gonna be a temporary mood man
and i'm still feelin broke
-death stare-
hahahaha

xoxo
12:46 PM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

i'm a piece of sentimental shit, sue me for that
even my attorney's confused regardin my stand,
prosecutor or defendant?


my body clock is screwed once again, die
how am i ever supp to get my hands on my big breakfast?!
hahahaha


sigh, i'm bored
i need new interesting games
not the lousy pokai ones i'm playing now
and another book
saph, where're you? hahahahaha
oops


i feel like shoppin, on air?
too broke to even mention the word, 'shop'
i'm gonna embrace work when it comes
and kiss boring nights away

hmmm


a positive scab thats never healing

night

xoxo
5:53 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

chilly morning!
even the wall feels cold to touch
brrr

i'm surprised i only had 6hrs sleep
thats barely wad i'd call sufficient
but the thought of waking up at hours that'll cause me to miss big breakfast?
no way, i'm gonna try waking up slightly earlier for it

haha, i sound like sucha glutton here
and no, i'm not
its just a craving
cuz that was supp to be breakfast with sis yday
i didnt sleep till 9 am last morning
i sldnt have succumbed(is spelling right?) to the temptation
rah, caused me to miss my big breakfast
and me making making a fool of myself yet again in fronta sis
i mumbled something like
'u think i walk very fast ah?' (???) to her when she attempted waking me up
hahaha rubbish man seriously

and i think lihua called me
asked if i wanted to like go out or something
damn, i mustve replied her with garbage man
cuz ive no clue wad i said to her
hahahaha
geor is drunk when she's sleepy
she spouts nonsense


this is a nice morning
jack johnson in the background
is making everything better


morning guys
=))

xoxo
10:32 AM

Sunday, October 16, 2005

i love the lil sis who looks a yr older than i do

this is basically an entry to reply your statement

hahahaha

and no, i'm not trying to be sweet here either

its just to tell u in a less awkward manner

alternatively,

i could just continue waking u up in the middle of the night

mess ur stuffs up

talk like a speaker while ure on the phone

act like a total airhead

and drown u in my evil laughter.

not for anything,

except the kicks to see u start pulling ur hair

heh

oops

=)

omg, geor is like how sweet pls

though she said she's not trying

hahahaha

ok, off to bed

morning everyone

xoxo
11:15 PM

Friday, October 14, 2005

wah. embarrassing shit man
i called jed, or did i not.
and texted him rubbish that he better not spill
and basically made a fool of myself in fronta j and my sis
see j, i told u i sldve stayed home. rahh
at least then, i can be sure i wun be leaving trails of puke on my way back
but thanks anyway for sending me home
i didnt lose my phone this time, just my GLASSES
the fact that i lost it is biting onto my poor heart now
theyre like 4 months old?
dammit


and i missed my interview today cuz i was puking the whole morning
whatever went in, came back right out
sick stuff. shall spare the details
had a temp so off to docs
slept my day away
damn productive i swear


i need a job, some books (yes, youre not seeing stuffs) and things to do
best if i can with as little money as possible
geor is as much whiny and calculative
as the aunties fighting battles with butchers and fishmongers in the market
every penny counts!
i want my free spring onion and chilli!
maybe some garlic too?


bored shit and maple is taking eternity to patch
or whatever its called
and i cant stand the way i get so sentimental
so much for,
'im not gonna get too sentimental like those other sticky valentine'
like look who's talking man
shut up geor
nothing good comes outta this trap of yours
tsktsk


hmmm
i feel like tanning, again
since it rained on serene and i yesterday
hahaha oh! and there was this naked lady in the toilet la
omfg like pls
i felt as though some dirt or whatever pierced into my eyes or something
firstly, the cubicles were empty, all waiting for you
yet u just happily strip yourself bare and change right outside the entrance
hello?! thats not exactly a very good way to exhibit yourself
lastly, i mean if ure lke hot HOT den i hafta keep quiet cuz its your choice to showcase yourself
but thing is, youre not!
wahh embarrassin max
even if youre not, i was and so was serene
tsktsk


sick u know some people
and die, ive a sudden craving
for fruits
hahaahahaha
how random

nights people

xoxo
6:01 PM

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

the most dramatic days spent ever

was the worse way i'd ever wanna wake up to
the call cemented my heart
the sight just pinned me down like a helpless child
i darent look too much
the consequences of staring was unbearable
stole a glance more or two before leaving

i could hear myself beat in my ears
emotions dying to escape my eyes
and words locked up at my throat
i was in absolutely no position to tell you anything
the custody of that extra portion of care and fear was not mine,
not today, not for a very long time


the day was filled with little songs u sang and played and the faces u made
and cuz of their presence,
i'm not afraid, not tonight, not now
cuz they mean everything, to me

they're all i'm left with, now

tonight

we can no longer fight

we can never return to it

once we begin to see

through the eyes up over heaven

would you ever return to me in the end?

i'm not afraid of you at all

if you turned away they will all fall

tonight

we can no longer try

all the time that i cried

i want you again

no one's heard this

no voice resounds

no one's around

i can't believe it

what i have become

no one

its over now

i'm not afraid of you at all

i'm not afraid tonight

all your stars glowing bright

i know i'll reach that light again

again

remy zero - i'm not afraid

xoxo
3:16 PM

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

removed the previous entry
man it just didnt make sense to me after
haha. i wonder if i was high on air or something


had a great sat at danielle's place
steamboat, mahjong (after wad seemed like eternity), and some games
but, i just cudnt stand the dog, HER dog
omfg it was like the most irritating creature then
oops, sorry danielle but u know its not just me who thinks that
hahahaha
we bought food as though they were for pigs
but wad more can we ask when its an auntie we went shoppin wit
hahahaha


the weirdest thing happened today
i caught a movie at 10.30 AM with......
turtle. oh my.
who wud ever believe that, i cudn either
honestly, there were moments whereby i really regretted but still
its a good start to patching things up, i guess
and he went for the interview with me too la
paid for the fare, which was my purpose for askin him along
hahahaha. evil but hello?!
its not wrong for a father to pay for her daughter right?


and ya, things strange happened
the whole conversation, my postion and part i'm playin now
damn odd
its like ive nv ever thought it'd come to this but it did
well not that its any bad but just strange, for a start
i realised my first impressions can be really bad sometimes,
when it comes to others i mean, my first impression of em
woops
better late than never

2 movies in a day is wrong, to me now at least
i'm broke peanuts for whatever's sake
oh well
geor has changed
i'm sure everyone will be able to tell
once u meet her out of hse
oh my



its scary how u never learn
and whatever youve gotten yourself into now
sometimes i understand why
yet most of the time, its washed away by endless head-shaking
u know well enough that for whats happening now,
ure the one going through the shittest shit
but u have a choice
make it, quick
b4 more damage is done,
to anyone of u
i know this is absolutely none of my business
but tell me, when can/have i ever been able to keep my nose outta ur affairs

tsktsk
i sld start taking up courses
something that helps to meditate
ahahahahahaha
does yoga has that effect?
hahahaha
all these are bull man



like a shout through an empty sanctuary

xoxo
3:47 PM

Monday, October 03, 2005

sometimes, i just wish i still have the mentality of what i had when a kid
well, i'm sure all do, at some point

its like nothing felt too hard to learn
nothing seemed too impossible to take on
nothing was too hard to speak of
we just had our way to thinkin


the simplicity of not knowing too much
the privilege of having more to learn and see
and the pure excitement and interest we bear for things that were then new
all washed away with time


this doesnt go for everyone of course, just me
for now at least
all these funny thoughts are causing a major chain-crash in my head

it would be good if i can be given more time to sort things out,
maybe even a second chance to attempt makin life work, den again
more time might just condone my act of complicating wad was made simple
and a sec chance might just watch me ruin everything once more

so wad is the point?
maybe things are better now, than being able to give it a sec thought


hmmm

i swear its the free time thats causing this
its robbing me of my humour
and creasing my way of life
i'd better iron things out soon
before it pops another steal


oh, and i have 'homework'
it'll be submitted say, soon?
haha. this's my style for doing work,
D R A G
sounds pretty interesting though
hmmm. oh well.


=)
geor is smiling and she has no no clue why
but whatever it is, she's trying to keep it
oh, maybe cuz mum's birthday's nearing
shit. wait, sldnt that stress me further instead?
die
d e a d with a capital D

xoxo
6:51 PM

Sunday, October 02, 2005

sometimes, things just refuse to go the way u want it to be
even when u thought nothin could go wrong
what u wanna do is placed right in front of u
yet theres just a dozen other reasons that forbids u to grab hold of it

and at other times, to make things worse,
little things u say give others the impression of what and who ure not
it might not have been even near a mini deal, but it still bugs the hell outta u
cuz ure just too proud to hear comments as such
yet, its still ur fcukin pride thats stopping u from clearing it up
so ure caught hurling abuses at non-existent situations
and u spend more than half the time all edgy and nasty to anyone around

these transitions are the death of me
to top it all up, ive a brain that feeds my mind with feasts of excuses
wad could be worse?
ive wasted my chance on wad i had
and now i'm crying over spilt milk


at the end of the day,
realising that ure the accomplice for all the crap produced
and the culprit for landing yourself in situations u wished were nv there,
its just like the swearing and abusing hurled all back at you.

you just wish there could be a take two
fcuk

xoxo
5:37 PM