perfect standstill

Monday, March 20, 2006

with everything to say but words just seem to make it seem too trivial a matter. it would just seem too insignificant for getting myself as shaken as i am. it would seem too insignificant, as insignificant as myself.

i hate the thoughts i think and fear the words i speak, whenever i hit this low. i shock at my very own self with every word that airs, put out in a fashion ive nv quite expected it to be. i feel like a 3 yr old tryin to get her damn ideas across the busy dinner table, where everyone's just rushing through the meal, cuz they just have too many things on hand to spare the poor kid a lil time. not even good old mama listens and all she does is, ' hurry finish up your food.'

its like screaming to a crowd turned deaf
its times like these that makes you feel so impossible every once in awhile. its like noone's free any longer to lend u a min or two(ok, maybe more) but ya.

and when u talk, u try ur best to steer clear of the topic thats been buggin u for GodKnowsHowLong just so u wun end up a conversation murderer and you go on seemingly enjoying yourself on things that u dont even know why u talk about. at the end of the numerous convos, u find yourself feelin even more empty than u were, before u started talkin silly. then you start to wonder, where has all your audience gone? and you find yourself reaching for the com unknowingly, seeking comfort in its company and the fact that u can rant all you want without having to worry for a proper reaction from the listener, probably just cuz you know well enough that people dont read it. and even if they do, noone would spare u an extra 30 seconds to even think of how ure doing, or even wonder what actually sparked you to create an entry as angsty as this one is.

we all know geor is a noisy child but looking at the way things goes,
perhaps, swimmin in your own thoughts is the best remedy
and silence might just then be the best company.

when existence only takes place in forms of shadows and figures

xoxo
10:31 AM